A day of tough news. A day of fear. A day of acceptance.
Will have to be on the run again, soon. The vague discomforts I have been unable to overcome and which have been screaming for change since the last two months, those have got into the moving bus. I get that vague feeler somewhere in my guts, it is time to move on. I recognize it every time. I accept it.
Will be changing job, house, maybe city, maybe life. Soon. Again. So soon.
None of it is planned, no idea yet again of how things will turn out, or what am I looking forward to.
Some bravado split with best friend, as usual, on a need to cut myself off the vicious cycle, to find sources of revenue without working for other people.
But words are wind.
None of this is official. I am mulling over thoughts, boiling in them, to underline the truth.
I shall miss this clarity of purpose of the last 6 months, of genuinely believing in creation, and my capabilities stretched beyond unfamiliar terrains, and the pride in the end results. I shall miss this semblance of stability, a steady movement towards it (do not remember the number of years since I have been proclaiming to people, in the middle of stabilizing my life, things will get smoother, they will, just not now. Just till the next hillock!)
Meanwhile, I have to get up, get dressed, and reach office, nonchalantly. A beautiful line I read off twitter today
Life ek mast gaana hai, lekin mujhe office jaana hai
But I shall remember. Another notch on pride.
Still my bane. Pride and lust. One unacknowledged, the other unrequited. Both out of control.
[...] No, it is not a victory because I am also quit, and I stay quit, but my reasoning was correct. When I had stated at the resignation, “I have a feeling that you are washing your hands off” the entire division, the entire work that me and my team had put in for the last six months into this. I had felt it in my bones, and I had reacted, out of complete gut instinct. [...]
[...] October was a tough month. I got highly dissatisfied with what I was getting out of the job. My returns, so to say. And the cheap way they treated me after a particular project was over. There was anger bubbling over, but even though there was intense fear (even after the deed was done), by the 1st of November, I had decided I was quitting the job. [...]