I do not really like this flourish of year end nostalgia and gyan spouting on my blog any more than you do, and I do not write these as a grand gesture at the end of the day. Let’s just say I am doing what HST suggested.
In a passage from Hell’s Angels: Long Nights, Ugly Days, Orgy of the Doomed… Thompson sums up his fascination with the world of writing:
I found out then that writing is a kind of therapy. One of the few ways I can almost be certain I’ll understand something is by sitting down and writing about it. Because by forcing yourself to write about it and putting it down in words, you can’t avoid having to come to grips with it. You might be wrong, but you have to think about it very intensely to write about it. So I use writing as a learning tool.
Yes, I also realize I have been using a lot of HST mentions to hide behind. If there is a larger meaning to it, I shall not pretend to understand it.
Today’s apparently the winter solstice, a full moon night, and a lunar eclipse is on the cards as well. Does not bode well for the state of mind, I guess. Have woken up with a fucked throat (let us not take words literally here), after being knackered yesterday. I have been pretty much knackered these last five months as well, so yesterday in particular is not to blame. However, hot water gargles with honey and disprin have been the order of the day, and I generally feel very lost and pathetic.
Closure has been chasing me around all year in different forms and forums. Much emotional purging has happened, though curiously most of it in December. I have stayed away from these thoughts all year, consciously. And all of them are swarming back into December. Perhaps a panic of the year ending, a year which I essentially believe to be quite well lived, and nice. At the start of the year, I believed 2010 to be lucky for me. That feeling has stayed with an arrogant self belief through the year, which has taken me through few extremely tough decisions and some very uncomfortable ones. I consider all of it, even with hindsight (even though hindsight is not completely hind as yet) as a necessary and healing process. ….Do I sound very whiny? Very eager to make everything sound spic n span?
a full moon signifies a closing or fulfillment. For cancerianss this means putting things to an end or putting the past behind them. It can be negative in terms of ending relationships, etc [or positive depending on the relationship] or it can be a positive end like getting over past hurts or closing business deals; closing one chapter of a person’s life and begining a new one with the new moon [which signifies new starts and beginings]. These effects are true for anyone, but they affect cancerians most strongly, and people with placements in cancer will be affected in the areas of life that they have cancer in their chart.
Clueless searching for patterns in astrological predictions for 1/12th of humanity (or even of inanimate things, and thoughts, including countries, religions, ideologies, blah de blah, if you choose to believe). Like a medieval detective looking for the divine indications towards alchemy.
Depressed writings on my blog abound, and I dismiss them as winter thoughts. My mum could always explain all that is wrong with the world with the help of a mere “change in seasons” phrase.